Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Jubilation
I received word yesterday that the recipient couple produced a positive pregnancy test. Tears of joy immediatley flowed. I'm so indescribably elated for them. I pray for a healthy, smooth pregnancy for them. This whole journey has been so worth this moment.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Pleading
What a ride the last few days have been.
Tuesday morning the extraction took place. It was completed within an hour and 17 follicles were taken. I was surprised at how easily I came out of the anesthesia. I was at home and in bed by 11:00 and slept for a few hours. I woke up to the cramping; luckily my mom had my pain pills ready to go. The afternoon was spent resting, watching movies, and thinking a lot about the recipient couple.
Late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning was pretty rough. The pain was intense and the heating pad was my best friend. Today is Friday and I'm just starting to feel some relief. But make no mistake...I have no regrets. Not one. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. My physical pain is immeasurable to the emotional agony the couple has gone through.
Now the most important part begins. The implantation. I'm not sure exactly what day it will take place but I know it's soon and I'm a nervous wreck. There's a difference between a prayer and a plead. My Lord knows I've pleaded over the years, and I'm on my knees pleading once more. Please, Father, lay Your mighty hand on this process. We will praise You while we wait.
Tuesday morning the extraction took place. It was completed within an hour and 17 follicles were taken. I was surprised at how easily I came out of the anesthesia. I was at home and in bed by 11:00 and slept for a few hours. I woke up to the cramping; luckily my mom had my pain pills ready to go. The afternoon was spent resting, watching movies, and thinking a lot about the recipient couple.
Late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning was pretty rough. The pain was intense and the heating pad was my best friend. Today is Friday and I'm just starting to feel some relief. But make no mistake...I have no regrets. Not one. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. My physical pain is immeasurable to the emotional agony the couple has gone through.
Now the most important part begins. The implantation. I'm not sure exactly what day it will take place but I know it's soon and I'm a nervous wreck. There's a difference between a prayer and a plead. My Lord knows I've pleaded over the years, and I'm on my knees pleading once more. Please, Father, lay Your mighty hand on this process. We will praise You while we wait.
Monday, August 27, 2012
(((hugs)))
Tomorrow is the day. At my ultrasound yesterday, we saw lots of good sized follicles. Last night at 10 pm I administered my last injection: the "trigger shot", along with an antibiotic in pill form. I will check in at 8:30 tomorrow morning.
My family and friends have asked if I'm nervous. For the procedure, I'm not one bit nervous. For the recipients, my stomach is in knots. I so badly want this to be successful for them. I hope they can feel the hugs and prayers I've been sending their way.
My family and friends have asked if I'm nervous. For the procedure, I'm not one bit nervous. For the recipients, my stomach is in knots. I so badly want this to be successful for them. I hope they can feel the hugs and prayers I've been sending their way.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Desires of the Heart
I received a humble reminder this morning of just how tough this road to parenthood has been for the recipient couple. Eight years of treatment, waiting lists and donor hopefuls. I have been lovingly named "Donor No. 5", as four previous donors have dropped out mid-process. My heart just aches for them. But I'm so very glad that they haven't given up and they've held on to God's promise of parenthood. Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
I'm so glad that it was in God's plan to have their rocky road meet my path. I pray that they have seen some sense of light on the horizon giving them hope.
They have asked if they can change my name to "Husker Donor". My heart is shaped like an "N", so the answer is easy. GO BIG RED!
I'm so glad that it was in God's plan to have their rocky road meet my path. I pray that they have seen some sense of light on the horizon giving them hope.
They have asked if they can change my name to "Husker Donor". My heart is shaped like an "N", so the answer is easy. GO BIG RED!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Let go and let God
The recipient couple has really been on my heart this week. I'm trying to imagine their feelings of excitement, nervousness, anxiousness...as they prepare for this next step in their lives.
In high school, we had an assignment to "parent" an egg for a week. If you kept the egg "alive", you passed. It took lots of gentle care, steady hands and patience. You became very protective of your egg, just as the mother chicken would.
My mothering instincts have kicked in with this batch of eggs as well, but in a different sense. I'm not protecting this egg for myself, but for a sister in motherhood. I'm very aware of the dosage of my shots, the timing of them, the food I'm eating, the rest I'm getting and the stress on my body.
But though I will do everything I can, ultimately it's not in my hands, it's in His. God knows exactly what will happen in this process; He's had it planned for a long, long time. I trust that He will do all things for our good and will be by our side every step of the way. That brings me peace, and I hope it brings peace to the recipient couple as well.
Father God,
Thank You for Your guidance and protection. I know You have great plans for this couple. Thank You for using me to be a part of that. Please watch over them and bring them peace as they anticipate this next step in their journey. Amen.
In high school, we had an assignment to "parent" an egg for a week. If you kept the egg "alive", you passed. It took lots of gentle care, steady hands and patience. You became very protective of your egg, just as the mother chicken would.
My mothering instincts have kicked in with this batch of eggs as well, but in a different sense. I'm not protecting this egg for myself, but for a sister in motherhood. I'm very aware of the dosage of my shots, the timing of them, the food I'm eating, the rest I'm getting and the stress on my body.
But though I will do everything I can, ultimately it's not in my hands, it's in His. God knows exactly what will happen in this process; He's had it planned for a long, long time. I trust that He will do all things for our good and will be by our side every step of the way. That brings me peace, and I hope it brings peace to the recipient couple as well.
Father God,
Thank You for Your guidance and protection. I know You have great plans for this couple. Thank You for using me to be a part of that. Please watch over them and bring them peace as they anticipate this next step in their journey. Amen.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Just a Little Pinch
I started my injections last week. I've always been ok with needles. I've had countless IVs inserted and they don't phase me. So why it took me nearly 10 minutes to insert a very small needle into my stomach, I'm not sure. Maybe it was because I was doing it myself. Maybe it was because I couldn't small talk with a nurse about the weather while the needle was discreetly slid in. Either way, the first injection was with hesitation. But after some self pep talk, it was in and it was easy.
The hot flashes and night sweats have started but aren't anything new since the 100+ temps have had me in a constant state of sweating since June. It was a good excuse to get a bed to myself while staying in a hotel with friends at a conference. I don't mind sharing a bed, but just believe me that the wet spot is from sweat, not pee.
This morning I went in for a quick ultrasound and was told that the recepients wanted to let me know that the baby will be raised in a Husker household. This is a good thing, because Husker is in my DNA. I can imagine their shock if they were Mizzou fans and the baby's first words were "Go Big Red".
The hot flashes and night sweats have started but aren't anything new since the 100+ temps have had me in a constant state of sweating since June. It was a good excuse to get a bed to myself while staying in a hotel with friends at a conference. I don't mind sharing a bed, but just believe me that the wet spot is from sweat, not pee.
This morning I went in for a quick ultrasound and was told that the recepients wanted to let me know that the baby will be raised in a Husker household. This is a good thing, because Husker is in my DNA. I can imagine their shock if they were Mizzou fans and the baby's first words were "Go Big Red".
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Pausing for Meno
Yesterday I met with a counselor, which is standard procedure before donation. They want to make sure I'm not some crazy person, and that I'm ready for this process. I passed! :)
Not only was Kathy* wonderful, she gave me a lot of additional details about the process, some of which I knew, some I did not.
During my first phase of shots, I will experience menopausal symptoms. Time to break out the hand-held fans! Once the second phase starts, these symptoms will disappear and my ovaries will begin to fill with eggs. For the extraction, the doctor will use a hollow needle attached to a long hose. Once the ovary is penetrated, the needle will extract the contents of the follicles and the eggs will go through the tube, straight into the lab for insemination. It's crazy to think that the beginnings of this baby will be taking place before I even wake up! All eggs extracted will be inseminated and by day 5 we should have some healthy embryos. Two will be implanted into the mother-to-be, the rest will be frozen.
The remaining frozen embryos could be used for a number of things: another implantation if the first attempt does not work, subsequent children for the couple, stem cell research, or use by other families. Of course the father would have to agree to any of those options as well, as his sperm will be half of the equation.
With each step in this process I get more and more excited. Not many 20-somethings get a sneak peak into menopause...here's to hoping it doesn't make me fear my 50's.
*Names have been changed for anonymity
Not only was Kathy* wonderful, she gave me a lot of additional details about the process, some of which I knew, some I did not.
During my first phase of shots, I will experience menopausal symptoms. Time to break out the hand-held fans! Once the second phase starts, these symptoms will disappear and my ovaries will begin to fill with eggs. For the extraction, the doctor will use a hollow needle attached to a long hose. Once the ovary is penetrated, the needle will extract the contents of the follicles and the eggs will go through the tube, straight into the lab for insemination. It's crazy to think that the beginnings of this baby will be taking place before I even wake up! All eggs extracted will be inseminated and by day 5 we should have some healthy embryos. Two will be implanted into the mother-to-be, the rest will be frozen.
The remaining frozen embryos could be used for a number of things: another implantation if the first attempt does not work, subsequent children for the couple, stem cell research, or use by other families. Of course the father would have to agree to any of those options as well, as his sperm will be half of the equation.
*Names have been changed for anonymity
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Just One More Kiss
As I've been thinking and praying about this couple that will receive my egg, it's given me new eyes to see my children through. I've been so blessed with two beautiful, healthy, smart, funny, loving children.
Rebecca* is my diva. She's up on the newest fashion, top 40 hits, secret handshake and dance moves. Everyone wants to be Rebecca*'s friend, and I can see why. She's a friend to everyone. In Kindergarten, her friend Besty didn't speak much English. So Rebecca* made up a handshake with her as her way to connect. It's my prayer that she continues to have a heart for the lonely and sees the good in everyone. Even though she is growing out of wanting to hold mommy's hand in public, it melts me when she comes up to me in the kitchen while I'm making dinner, arms outstretched, wanting a long-lasting hung.
Douglas* has turned my world upside down with his "boyish" ways. I swear he siphons energy out of me. He has more than I could ever wish to have. I love the way his mind is working all the time. I get the most random questions when we're in the car driving home. "Mom, do giraffes have teeth?" "Mom, do we eat bugs?" But once his energy has leveled out, and he's ready to cuddle, my heart turns into a puddle on the floor. He loves to put his face right next to mine, nose to nose. Lots of kisses and cuddles. Douglas* is a mama's boy, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I pray that this process works so that the parents can experience the little things that make the challenges of being a parent so worth it. And while I can't imagine loving my kids any more than I do, a part of me thinks that after the struggles the couple has gone through, this baby just might get an extra ounce of love. It makes me smile to think of the baby, when 3 years old, asking mommy and daddy for "just one more kiss" before bed, like my two precious babies do.
*Names changed for anonymity
Rebecca* is my diva. She's up on the newest fashion, top 40 hits, secret handshake and dance moves. Everyone wants to be Rebecca*'s friend, and I can see why. She's a friend to everyone. In Kindergarten, her friend Besty didn't speak much English. So Rebecca* made up a handshake with her as her way to connect. It's my prayer that she continues to have a heart for the lonely and sees the good in everyone. Even though she is growing out of wanting to hold mommy's hand in public, it melts me when she comes up to me in the kitchen while I'm making dinner, arms outstretched, wanting a long-lasting hung.
Douglas* has turned my world upside down with his "boyish" ways. I swear he siphons energy out of me. He has more than I could ever wish to have. I love the way his mind is working all the time. I get the most random questions when we're in the car driving home. "Mom, do giraffes have teeth?" "Mom, do we eat bugs?" But once his energy has leveled out, and he's ready to cuddle, my heart turns into a puddle on the floor. He loves to put his face right next to mine, nose to nose. Lots of kisses and cuddles. Douglas* is a mama's boy, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I pray that this process works so that the parents can experience the little things that make the challenges of being a parent so worth it. And while I can't imagine loving my kids any more than I do, a part of me thinks that after the struggles the couple has gone through, this baby just might get an extra ounce of love. It makes me smile to think of the baby, when 3 years old, asking mommy and daddy for "just one more kiss" before bed, like my two precious babies do.
*Names changed for anonymity
Friday, July 20, 2012
The Beginning
Psalm 127: 3 says, "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him." I have been blessed to carry and give birth to 3 healthy children. The joy of being a mother is indescribable and a mystery to those that have not experienced it. One of my prayers is that God will break my heart for what breaks His. The fact that there are some couples that are unable to have children on their own simply breaks my heart. I can't imagine the feelings of disappointment, feeling cheated out of something that should be "a given".
When I was just 16, I gave birth to a beautiful, handsome baby boy. That indescribable feeling of motherhood rushed over me like a tidal wave. My instant love for him was so intense that feelings of guilt and failure took over. I knew that he deserved the best life possible and at that time in my life, I was unable to give him all he needed. I placed him for adoption with a wonderful couple and now, at almost 13 years old, he's a smart, happy, well-adjusted young man that I have the privilege of having a relationship with. One thing I will never forget for as long as I live are the tears of joy in the eyes of his parents the first time they saw him. They had wanted a baby so badly, and I was able to provide them with that miracle.
When I started learning about egg donation, it re-ignited my heart with that feeling of wanting to give someone that miracle again. I have healthy eggs that make beautiful children. Such a small part of my body could be the biggest part of some one's life.
The process began after I found the agency I wanted to work with. I chose a local agency as opposed to a national registry. After submitting the basic application online, I received a call from Patty*, wanting to set up an interview. After talking with her at length about the process and legality of it all, I knew that this was to be my journey. Many pages of paperwork, a quick ultrasound and a vile of blood later, I was officially "in the pool". I knew that there was a chance that I'd never be chosen to donate, so the phone call I received from Patty* the next morning was a shock. "How do you feel about donating?", she asked with a giggle. A couple had chosen me, after having several donors back out mid-process. She told me that the mother was very excited that my eyes change into different shades of blue and green depending on my surroundings, because hers do too. And it just so happened that I was at the point in my cycle to start the process the very next day. Ok, God, I get it. This is Your will.
I picked up my pack of Apri (birth control) that afternoon and started it right away the next morning. To know that the mother-to-be was doing the same exact thing (our cycles have to be synced) was exhilarating; a feeling of sisterhood. Well, motherhood is more accurate.
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for loving me unconditionally. I know that You have great plans for me. I pray that You will walk with me through this journey. I pray for the parents-to-be. Lord, be with them as they prepare theirs hearts and minds for this miracle. All of this is in Your hands, and Your hands alone. I put my trust in You. Amen.
*Names changed for anonymity
When I was just 16, I gave birth to a beautiful, handsome baby boy. That indescribable feeling of motherhood rushed over me like a tidal wave. My instant love for him was so intense that feelings of guilt and failure took over. I knew that he deserved the best life possible and at that time in my life, I was unable to give him all he needed. I placed him for adoption with a wonderful couple and now, at almost 13 years old, he's a smart, happy, well-adjusted young man that I have the privilege of having a relationship with. One thing I will never forget for as long as I live are the tears of joy in the eyes of his parents the first time they saw him. They had wanted a baby so badly, and I was able to provide them with that miracle.
When I started learning about egg donation, it re-ignited my heart with that feeling of wanting to give someone that miracle again. I have healthy eggs that make beautiful children. Such a small part of my body could be the biggest part of some one's life.
The process began after I found the agency I wanted to work with. I chose a local agency as opposed to a national registry. After submitting the basic application online, I received a call from Patty*, wanting to set up an interview. After talking with her at length about the process and legality of it all, I knew that this was to be my journey. Many pages of paperwork, a quick ultrasound and a vile of blood later, I was officially "in the pool". I knew that there was a chance that I'd never be chosen to donate, so the phone call I received from Patty* the next morning was a shock. "How do you feel about donating?", she asked with a giggle. A couple had chosen me, after having several donors back out mid-process. She told me that the mother was very excited that my eyes change into different shades of blue and green depending on my surroundings, because hers do too. And it just so happened that I was at the point in my cycle to start the process the very next day. Ok, God, I get it. This is Your will.
I picked up my pack of Apri (birth control) that afternoon and started it right away the next morning. To know that the mother-to-be was doing the same exact thing (our cycles have to be synced) was exhilarating; a feeling of sisterhood. Well, motherhood is more accurate.
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for loving me unconditionally. I know that You have great plans for me. I pray that You will walk with me through this journey. I pray for the parents-to-be. Lord, be with them as they prepare theirs hearts and minds for this miracle. All of this is in Your hands, and Your hands alone. I put my trust in You. Amen.
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