Pausing for Meno

Yesterday I met with a counselor, which is standard procedure before donation.  They want to make sure I'm not some crazy person, and that I'm ready for this process.  I passed! :)

Not only was Kathy* wonderful, she gave me a lot of additional details about the process, some of which I knew, some I did not.

During my first phase of shots, I will experience menopausal symptoms.  Time to break out the hand-held fans!  Once the second phase starts, these symptoms will disappear and my ovaries will begin to fill with eggs.  For the extraction, the doctor will use a hollow needle attached to a long hose.  Once the ovary is penetrated, the needle will extract the contents of the follicles and the eggs will go through the tube, straight into the lab for insemination.  It's crazy to think that the beginnings of this baby will be taking place before I even wake up!  All eggs extracted will be inseminated and by day 5 we should have some healthy embryos.  Two will be implanted into the mother-to-be, the rest will be frozen.

The remaining frozen embryos could be used for a number of things: another implantation if the first attempt does not work, subsequent children for the couple, stem cell research, or use by other families.  Of course the father would have to agree to any of those options as well, as his sperm will be half of the equation. 

With each step in this process I get more and more excited.  Not many 20-somethings get a sneak peak into menopause...here's to hoping it doesn't make me fear my 50's.

*Names have been changed for anonymity

Just One More Kiss

As I've been thinking and praying about this couple that will receive my egg, it's given me new eyes to see my children through.  I've been so blessed with two beautiful, healthy, smart, funny, loving children. 

Rebecca* is my diva.  She's up on the newest fashion, top 40 hits, secret handshake and dance moves.  Everyone wants to be Rebecca*'s friend, and I can see why.  She's a friend to everyone.  In Kindergarten, her friend Besty didn't speak much English.  So Rebecca* made up a handshake with her as her way to connect.  It's my prayer that she continues to have a heart for the lonely and sees the good in everyone.  Even though she is growing out of wanting to hold mommy's hand in public, it melts me when she comes up to me in the kitchen while I'm making dinner, arms outstretched, wanting a long-lasting hung. 

Douglas* has turned my world upside down with his "boyish" ways.  I swear he siphons energy out of me.  He has more than I could ever wish to have.  I love the way his mind is working all the time.  I get the most random questions when we're in the car driving home.  "Mom, do giraffes have teeth?"  "Mom, do we eat bugs?"  But once his energy has leveled out, and he's ready to cuddle, my heart turns into a puddle on the floor.  He loves to put his face right next to mine, nose to nose.  Lots of kisses and cuddles.  Douglas* is  a mama's boy, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I pray that this process works so that the parents can experience the little things that make the challenges of being a parent so worth it.  And while I can't imagine loving my kids any more than I do, a part of me thinks that after the struggles the couple has gone through, this baby just might get an extra ounce of love.  It makes me smile to think of the baby, when 3 years old, asking mommy and daddy for "just one more kiss" before bed, like my two precious babies do.
                               

                                           
*Names changed for anonymity
                            

The Beginning

Psalm 127: 3 says, "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him."  I have been blessed to carry and give birth to 3 healthy children.  The joy of being a mother is indescribable and a mystery to those that have not experienced it.  One of my prayers is that God will break my heart for what breaks His.  The fact that there are some couples that are unable to have children on their own simply breaks my heart.  I can't imagine the feelings of disappointment, feeling cheated out of something that should be "a given". 

When I was just 16, I gave birth to a beautiful, handsome baby boy.  That indescribable feeling of motherhood rushed over me like a tidal wave.  My instant love for him was so intense that feelings of guilt and failure took over.  I knew that he deserved the best life possible and at that time in my life, I was unable to give him all he needed.  I placed him for adoption with a wonderful couple and now, at almost 13 years old, he's a smart, happy, well-adjusted young man that I have the privilege of having a relationship with.  One thing I will never forget for as long as I live are the tears of joy in the eyes of his parents the first time they saw him.  They had wanted a baby so badly, and I was able to provide them with that miracle. 

When I started learning about egg donation, it re-ignited my heart with that feeling of wanting to give someone that miracle again.  I have healthy eggs that make beautiful children.  Such a small part of my body could be the biggest part of some one's life. 

The process began after I found the agency I wanted to work with.  I chose a local agency as opposed to a national registry.  After submitting the basic application online, I received a call from Patty*, wanting to set up an interview.  After talking with her at length about the process and legality of it all, I knew that this was to be my journey.  Many pages of paperwork, a quick ultrasound and a vile of blood later, I was officially "in the pool".  I knew that there was a chance that I'd never be chosen to donate, so the phone call I received from Patty* the next morning was a shock.  "How do you feel about donating?", she asked with a giggle.  A couple had chosen me, after having several donors back out mid-process.  She told me that the mother was very excited that my eyes change into different shades of blue and green depending on my surroundings, because hers do too.  And it just so happened that I was at the point in my cycle to start the process the very next day.  Ok, God, I get it.  This is Your will. 

I picked up my pack of Apri (birth control) that afternoon and started it right away the next morning.  To know that the mother-to-be was doing the same exact thing (our cycles have to be synced) was exhilarating; a feeling of sisterhood.  Well, motherhood is more accurate.

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for loving me unconditionally.  I know that You have great plans for me.  I pray that You will walk with me through this journey.  I pray for the parents-to-be.  Lord, be with them as they prepare theirs hearts and minds for this miracle.  All of this is in Your hands, and Your hands alone.  I put my trust in You.  Amen.

*Names changed for anonymity